Grand illusions lead astray

Please give him back. 

Please don’t cover his eyes.

Allow me to prove myself. Allow me to show him happiness. Allow me to redo what cannot be done, because nothing else will show how truly sorry I am and how ungrateful I was to let the better part of me go. It was out of fear and anger that clouded my judgement and tainted my soul impure. But I close my eyes to see within myself the absolute truth. Because when I open my eyes, I want to feel no fear and see the very essence of happiness. Love is amazing. It will never hurt me. It can only give me the strength to pursue happiness, and that happiness includes the partnership of something greater than I or anything in this world. I love him. I beg you to show me mercy despite all the wrong that I’ve done. I’m as broken as you’d want me to be. And I’m teaching myself the lessons you want me to learn. But please, allow him the happiness I know only I can give him.

Be there for him when I can’t, but know I’m the one that always was. For better and for worse. I am the one. He is stellar.

I’m sorry. I’m so deeply sorry. I’m so goddamn, unconditionally, painfully, depressing, and lovingly sorry…

I am capable of going without you, but that doesn’t mean I would.

I can be happy doing the things I want, but it doesn’t mean it’ll replace the love in my heart for you.

I will accept how you see me now, but it doesn’t mean I won’t wait for you.

Just because I don’t “need” you, doesn’t mean I don’t need you…